Before I knew Jesus, I was numb.
I have attended church for as long as I remember, but I did not understand why until just a couple years ago. I can remember listening to the pastor speak about Jesus, and letting his words slip over my head. “This doesn’t apply to me”, I would think. I thought I was invisible. I did not comprehend that Jesus was my Savior and that he loves me deeply. As a result of being numb to His love and mercy, I was numb towards others. I would become angry easily if a situation did not turn out how I wanted and my overreactions would hurt others. Emptiness overpowered me – I was insensitive, selfish, and sinful, all without recognizing it. My sophomore year of high school was when I truly realized that my life is a mess without Jesus. I made a huge mistake that opened my eyes to His reality. It was a painful time, but I am so thankful for that period because it was a much-needed reality check on my faith.
Today, I am at peace.
I have learned that once we truly open our eyes to God, it causes us see everything through a new light. His beauty is everywhere- among humans, nature, and everything in between; recognizing this has helped me grow closer to Him. God is still working on my heart, but He will not fail me. As a result of my trust, I am filled with more love and gratitude in my heart. I see my earthly life as temporary and find hope and joy in knowing that eternity in heaven is real. I have found that there are so many distractions on this earth, but remaining focused on God makes doubts and fears fade. I am so grateful for Him, especially during times when I don’t feel I deserve the cross. Whenever I do not feel worthy, I remind myself that He loves me more than I can comprehend and chose me to be His forever.
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